Hey everybody! I hope you enjoyed my week on video game trailers. I’m still on a video game kick, but I will be getting back to movies. And today I want to talk to you about a movie I watched two nights ago. It actually was based on a video game. (No, it’s not DOOM. I’ll cover that later.) It’s called Far Cry, and it is, to date, the single worst movie I have ever seen. And I’ve seen some pretty bad ones in my day.
If you don’t understand the concept of an Epic Fail, let me explain it to you. It is a failure (of any type) so monumental in stature that there is literally only one way to explain it, and that is by saying it is an Epic Fail. It must be so terrible that there are absolutely zero redeeming qualities to it, and nothing about it can by worthy of even the tiniest shred of praise. An epic fail is something so horrible that it can take your breath away, knock your socks off, blow your hair back, and any other expression you choose to describe your surprise at how unbelievably, shockingly, and disturbingly bad it is.
Now that we understand that idea, I’m going to tell you what I think of Far Cry. It is not an Epic Fail. It’s worse than that. That’s right. Worse. Far Cry was such a far cry from decency (see what I did there?) that I almost couldn’t watch it. But, like any train wreck where every car on the train is filled with bunnies or starving children, I just could not look away. It caught me in it’s horrible clutches and simply would not let go. In the famous words of Admiral Ackbar, “It’s a trap!”
The director of this abomination is a man by the name of Uwe Boll. For some reason, idiots keep giving him the rights to video games so he can turn them into awful movies. (See also: Bloodrayne and Dungeon Siege.) But unlike those two movies, where the cheesiness was so over the top that it was kind of hilarious, Far Cry manages to take itself just seriously enough to take the deliciously cheesy aspect away. It would be like having a cheeseburger with no cheese. Or burger. Or bun or condiments for that matter. Like the meal I have just described, Far Cry is nothing. It is an hour and a half of absolute nothing.
The action (if you can call it that) is lame, the story so bad that it’s actually not funny at all, the acting so piss-poor that I practically cried, and the attempts at humor trips over itself like a blind man whose shoelaces have been tied together. (And equally as cruel.) In summation, Far Cry, simply put, is the Worst Movie Ever. You’ve been warned.
Until next time,
Harry
If you don’t understand the concept of an Epic Fail, let me explain it to you. It is a failure (of any type) so monumental in stature that there is literally only one way to explain it, and that is by saying it is an Epic Fail. It must be so terrible that there are absolutely zero redeeming qualities to it, and nothing about it can by worthy of even the tiniest shred of praise. An epic fail is something so horrible that it can take your breath away, knock your socks off, blow your hair back, and any other expression you choose to describe your surprise at how unbelievably, shockingly, and disturbingly bad it is.
Now that we understand that idea, I’m going to tell you what I think of Far Cry. It is not an Epic Fail. It’s worse than that. That’s right. Worse. Far Cry was such a far cry from decency (see what I did there?) that I almost couldn’t watch it. But, like any train wreck where every car on the train is filled with bunnies or starving children, I just could not look away. It caught me in it’s horrible clutches and simply would not let go. In the famous words of Admiral Ackbar, “It’s a trap!”
The director of this abomination is a man by the name of Uwe Boll. For some reason, idiots keep giving him the rights to video games so he can turn them into awful movies. (See also: Bloodrayne and Dungeon Siege.) But unlike those two movies, where the cheesiness was so over the top that it was kind of hilarious, Far Cry manages to take itself just seriously enough to take the deliciously cheesy aspect away. It would be like having a cheeseburger with no cheese. Or burger. Or bun or condiments for that matter. Like the meal I have just described, Far Cry is nothing. It is an hour and a half of absolute nothing.
The action (if you can call it that) is lame, the story so bad that it’s actually not funny at all, the acting so piss-poor that I practically cried, and the attempts at humor trips over itself like a blind man whose shoelaces have been tied together. (And equally as cruel.) In summation, Far Cry, simply put, is the Worst Movie Ever. You’ve been warned.
Until next time,
Harry
Dude I had no idea they even MADE a far cry movie. But its not like I would have seen it if I had known.
ReplyDeleteI feel for the 2ish hours you wasted on that. May they rest in peace.