A Change In The Winds / Now For Something Completely Different

Ahoy tharr mateys!  ‘Tis a foul weather a’brewin’ above the fine waters of the interwebs.
(Hey everybody!  There’s bad news on the horizon for the internet.)

The good-for-naught East India Company has grown in dastardly power, and seeks to rid these fair isles of righteous freebooters, like me’self.
(The district court of New York has taken a major step in their efforts to destroy internet pirates, of which I am one.)

‘Afore ye be runnin out yer cannons, I hope you’ll allow me to speak a bit of “legal gibberish.”
(Before you jump down my throat, here’s a quick disclaimer.)

I’m all for sticking to the pirate’s code, but shall we say I’ve never actually read through the ancient ledger.
(I’m no lawyer.)

I just be a humble pirate.  You won’t find me runnin’ up the Jolly Roger against the might of the imperial fleet.
(I’m just a regular guy, with regular opinions.  This isn’t a call to arms.)

Now that the wind’s at me back, I’m headed off in search of adventure.
(Here we go.)

A mere day ago, the magistrate Kimba Wood sent the decree that the pirate haven known as Limewire was to close its ports immediately.
(Yesterday, judge Kimba Wood ordered filesharing service Limewire to cease its operations.)

Limewire be the finest of locales for honest pirates to exchange their loot.
(Limewire is one of the best filesharing services around.)

But it sends a chill through me bones knowing that this precious isle be soon fall victim to the same ungodly fate as the most populace port of call before it, the isle of Napster.
(But I’m worried that Limewire is going the way of Napster.)

And this news has your humble servant not only caught with his cannons stowed, but also in need of a port to call home.
(This not only caught me by surprise, but also forces me to find a new filesharing site.)

The Crown claims that my honest buccaneering interferes with the riches of the princesses of the court, but I say, hang ‘em, they be the real pirates in these waters, robbing the laborers of their hard earned doubloons with their unfair taxes.
(The record labels say that my internet piracy detracts from the wealth of people like Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, and 50 Cent, but I say that they are the ones ripping off the public with their awful music.)

The parrot perched on me shoulder squawks, “If I catch a glimpse of another royal mansion, I might fire a broadside.”  And me parrot always tells the truth.
(I heard someone say, “If I see another episode of MTV Cribs, I might punch the nearest wall.”  I wholeheartedly agree.)

If ye be a true buccaneer, I’d advise ye to turn to the new pirate haven of Frostwire, the next port of call for us corsairs.
(If you’re a pirate like me, check out frostwire.)

Until I see your sails on the horizon,
-Harry
(Until next time,
-Harry)

It nearly slipped me mind: I’d owe ye a debt of gratitude if you ran up your true colors below.
(P.S.  I’d really appreciate it if you told me your opinion on this issue.)